And now I know why everyone dreads writing Christmas letters.

My ego has been severly damaged. Well, just a little. I had my Dad proofread my first attempt at the family Christmas letter and I apparantly failed miserably. It was embarassing. I guess they weren't look so much for an entertaining twist on what really happened, but more of a report of the facts. Crap... now all the fun is gone and I still have to write the dumb letter.

Who needs Meth when there's Sudafed?

Okay, so sudafed non-drowsy has worse effects than I thought it would. I have not gone to bed tonight, nor do I feel like sleeping. I did do a little yoga, which was nice, but it started to get a bit too aerobic, and that's where I shut it off.... I was only in it for the relaxation. Not a very holistic approach, but I got what I wanted.

I also finished writing all my Christmas thank you cards. I got a bank fee waived (asking nicely gets you further than you may think), called Verizon and confirmed that they are stupid, went through all my emails.... you know... the stuff you do when you're not sleepy and have a huge urge to get things done. I'll blame that feeling on the approaching New Year's resolutions bit.

So, I accept that I will not be sleeping tonight/today. Nothing like a fresh cup of coffee to start a morning when it's still dark out...

All this got me to thinking: geez, why in the world would you bother making meth out of sudafed products when you can just take sudafed itself and get the same effects. Plus you bypass all the illegal end of things.

Next up: Christmas letter writing for the Fam.

Awake, but tired and sick.

I'm very awake right now. I have that problem it seems: I'm often awake when I should be sleeping... ah well, I guess that's just how us creative folks (ha!) are- our best work happens at the least convenient times. I think it's probably because of the non-drowsy sudafed I'm on right now. Little did I know that non-drowsy meant no sleep for Leah.

I have a variety of ideas of how I will fill my night. I don't think the first one is very good though. My first idea is to do the hour long kundalini yoga video that I never seem to get around to. I think it would get me going too much, though. By the way, I don't recomend ever buying a yoga video- while it may seem like a good idea at the time, what you don't realize when you buy it is that you'll never be able to re-create that yoga-esk-ness that is necessary to really enjoy yoga. There is something about being still with a whole bunch of other people that really makes it work. One yoga is my favorite sudio even though they don't offer kundalini yoga. I usually do that at school as I can. The best part about One Yoga is that they have donation based classes... which is great, because who can realy afford to do yoga?

Well, I feel like I'm rambling here, so I don't really feel like listing the other ways I could fill my night. Most likely I'll check out the yoga and get bored and fall asleep.

I like this picture of PJ Harvey. Because I am naive, I though, "oh, cool picture.. I wonder if her music is cool." She also has a cool cd title: "Stories from the city-stories from the sea" So, I previewed a few songs..but alas... I did not like her stuff. I guess it's okay, just a little too edgy and angry for me. She seems like a cool person, and fun to hang out with, I just don't really like her music. If we ever become friends I'll delete this post.

If anyone likes her stuff and wants to prove me otherwise- please enlighten me. I still want to like her.

Dear Santa,

Thank you for bringing me an iTunes gift card for $15. I used it to download the new Regina Spektor cd- I like it more than I thought I would, which is pleasantly surprising. I would liken her to a positive Fiona Apple. Great lyrics, very artsy and just pleasant all around.

I got an F.

Nothing like finding out you failed General Chemistry on Christmas Eve. This elicits a great number of feelings in me: rage, sadness, confusion, embarassment, frustration, shame; I knew it was coming. It's not like I didn't try, though. Perhaps if I liked the subject matter I might have tried more, but since I hated every bit of it, I did what I could to get through it. I did what I could, and now I know that I shouldn't try to do 3 years of undergrad chemistry. It's just not for me.

There is no failure. Only Feedback. - Robert Allen

He who has never failed somewhere, that (wo)man cannot be great. Failure is the true test of greatness. And if it be said, that continual success is a proof that a (wo)man wisely knows their powers- it is only to be added, that, in that case, he knows them to be small. - Herman Melville

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of
enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill. (He failed 6th grade)

Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of
education. - John Hersey

A real failure does not need an excuse. It is an end in itself. - Gertrude
Stein

I feel okay with my failure; I mean, I'm not going to beat myself up about
it. The thing I cringe to think about is having to meet my teacher in the halls and wonder what he thinks of me- especially after I tried so hard and even cried in his office. I really respected him, so it sucks to not have been able to pass. I guess I just have to think that he's not judging me, and that he probably doesn't really care anyway.

Ending thoughts: I am human just like everyone else- I too have my
limits, whether I let myself believe that or not.

Dear Blog,

I just want to report that I am the only person I know (as of now) who has a favorite drag queen and a favorite monster truck. I find this to be particularly interesting since I come from a good family and went to a Lutheran school my whole life. You just don't find those two realms of life mixing much- but I have managed to live a very well rounded life, if I don't say so myself; and for that I am thankful.

Let me explain: Just tonight I was introduced to The Gay 90's for the first time ever. I had my hesitations, but let me tell you!! It far exceeded my expectations. We didn't go for dancing... we didn't go for drinking... no... we went especially for the fabulous drag queens there. One in particular stood out to us: Roxanne Marquette- she was classier than all the rest. She came out for one song dressed in a black, Madonna-esq outfit and preformed "Imagine" by John Lennon. Now that's classy. I thought drag would be really raunchy, like striping- but it's not like that at all, it's very refined and classy. Not skanky at all.

To continue with the story, my favorite monster truck is Gunslinger. Wikipedia defines "gunslinger" as, "a name given to men in the American Old West who had gained a reputation as being dangerous with a gun."

I first enjoyed the entertaining art of Gunslinger back in December of 2001. This was my first date with J. (name abbreviated to protect reputation). Actually, I didn't know it was a "date, date" until later, but technically we both agree it was our first outing together. It was a very cultural experience. We haven't been back since.. somethings are better left in the past.

Yay! I made The News!

this den of criminals
re: blog-shy.

It's just me.

Blogging has turned us all into F***ing advertisers and marketers. I refuse to make my blog more than it is and try to find interesting pictures to grab your attention. If you can't stop to read the words I write then just keep moving... I'm not interested in "appealing" to your sub-conscious. I'm not interested in defining myself with a certain internet image or pseudo-personality. I just am what I am... writing what I write... with nothing to sell you. Read if you want to. Nothing more.

Fame.

Once upon a time there was a young college girl who wanted to be in her college's arts and literary catalog because she knew it would bring her fame and prestige. She didn't have much time left to think of good submissions, and wondered if blog entries might make for an interesting addition? The last thing she wanted was some vain piece that she would regret many years from now, and would cause her embarrassment when showing it to friends and family. If only she could dream up some worthy idea.....

To be continued.

Dear Blog,

I don't "get" you. I mean.... who are you? What sort of demographic are you? What sorts of interests do you have? What do you want to read about? What I'm trying to get at here is that I'm not quite sure who my "audience" is. It's like I have a million things to say but there is no way of categorizing them to make sense. You're not a "sports blog" or a "coffee blog" or an "I'm an obscure struggling artist blog"..... so what is your identity?

Maybe I could write a haiku? Would that help?

Let's see.... 5, 7, 5 -right?

Type, type, type. Think; type.
Bullshit writing for what now?
Please post a comment.

things to write about... (must be writing... all writers write!)

1. gaining weight in the world's most anorexic city
2. staying thin in america (goes with #1)
3. the paranoia of being written about in another language
4. haikus.
5. when you find yourself stoping your train of thought and daily activity/conversations to think to yourself, "Damn! That would make a great blog entry." But then you never write about it anyway, because you've forgotten by the time you get home.
6. "extreme living" i.e. outfitting your life with high-tech camping gear so that you are prepared for any situation.... even if you live in a large city.
7. how mad I am that Har-Mar closed it's theatre.
8. how mad I am that none of the magazines, which promised "52 perfect gift ideas for under 50 dollars" provided any good ideas... I could make of list of 52 things not to spend your money on if you want to buy christmas presents at all this year.

Must avoid cynicism

cyn·i·cal /
–adjective
1. like or characteristic of a cynic; distrusting or disparaging the motives of others.
2. showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, esp. by actions that exploit the scruples of others.
3. bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.


*apparently this is something writers want to avoid.

note to self

I must remember to participate in this next year. Until then, I'm looking for a new contest to get my blog up and going.

i love my blog

so far so good.. I'm not sure what to write yet.